Grace Addict

I've been struggling with a message I heard in church recently. It was another of what I call, an 80/20 message. That is, a sermon that has me saying "YES" 80% of the time and "NO" the other 20%. Of course, my first reflection is that I am still 20% away from "getting it right", but I have long given up on the notion that my God given discernment is flawed and that I am only to drink in what the Learned Men of God feed me. Me and God have come to an understanding that I can question anything and that He loves me and guides me, irregardless of my various musings. Anyway.... First, The Message: It was called "Repair, Regress, or Replace". The focus was on what we do with the Gospel message. Do we attempt to fix ourselves to be better people(repair), do we return to our "un-gospelled" selves(Regress), or do we let God change us(Replace)? It was a compare and contrast message that pitted Legalism against Libertarianism, and concluded that both are flawed, while extolling the message that God does the miracle of improving our natures. So far, so good. The issue I had was in describing those who apparently have walked towards Libertarianism of having failed to actually heard the Gospel message and taken it in. According to the Pastor, if you have heard the Gospel and yet continue to engage in questionable actions, you never really received the message. The old,"if you continue to sin, your not truly saved" message. Now I must admit to being of the Libertarian Camp. I have come to understand that I am a sinner saved by Grace and that I will continue through this life with a multitude of behaviors that will fall short of Holy living, despite my best efforts. God is not idle, though. He is working in me and through me everyday. I cannot change my heart alone. That in itself is the definition of Legalism: "If I know the rules and follow them, I will be Holy". SO why is it that we have the audacity to declare that those who don't perform as Holy enough(still sinning, not changing fast enough, living in liberty) have failed to truly receive the message of the Gospel? I seem to see clearly that this is just another form of Legalism. The Righteous standing in judgement of the unrighteous. How reaffirming it must feel to be in the ranks of those who can say, "I know God and I have received his Grace, but that guy over in the other pew is deaf and dumb to it, because he is still sinning". What arrogance! As if the speaker has eliminate all his flaws and can stand in judgement of other believers that they feel live too liberally. We are all sinners saved by grace. There is a meme out there that states, "Don't Judge me because I sin differently than you". When I hear, "those who continue to live as they did have obviously not received the Gospel message", I have several scriptural thoughts that immediately come to mind. First: God didn't save me because I was good. He saved me because He is good and his love know no bounds. As a parent, I understand (dimly, I admit)that there is nothing my children will ever do that will stop me from loving them. I believe that this is true with God. Secondly: To say that those who fail to change appropriately or quickly enough, have never received the Gospel message, is to cast our own judgement upon them. I believe the Bible states that God will continue the good work he has begun in you. God is not an instant cure-all. In fact, it is this expectation that lead many to question their faith. "Hey, I accepted Christ. Why isn't everything fixed already". This also lends power to the Pharisee within that wants to judge others as lacking in the earnestness/piousness we have embraced. I should know. I have often found myself within the church silently judging others who don't measure up to the level of performance that I have achieved. Well, Screw all that. God took me as I was. He continues to work with me and through me as I am. He is changing me daily, though the evidence of that may not be evident for many YEARS, if ever, this side of eternity. All the Guilt Bombs and pithy quips of how I am a bad example or "renailing Christ to the cross" are poor motivators at best, and lies from the pit of hell, at their worst. And declaring that those who continue to live unsanctified lives must have never received the message? Watch out! Judge not, lest ye be judged! We are all works in progress, and what God has begun, He will finish. Be not one to deny the power of God in others because they have failed to change on your timetable. And now for something a bit different. As I stated before, I live a pretty liberal take on life. I am far Left politically for someone who identifies themselves as Christian. You might say that I seem to challenge the Grace of God with my behavior and actions. I am a bit jaded with the term "love". So many in my life declare "to love me" and a week later barely seem to know me. I am frequently putting love to the test. Most have fallen short( myself, included), but God has not. Despite my best to prove myself unworthy of favor, I am continually shown up with the amount and frequency of God's love for me. His Grace abounds. This past week my car died. Within a week I had found a new vehicle that perfectly matched all my hopes in what I secretly wanted in a new vehicle. I also received a letter that informed me that a $5000 debt had been erased. I got a call for some work that brought in extra income to pay my bills, and my daughters continue to pour affection upon me, despite being an often grumpy dad who yells too much. The more I fall short, well, the more I fall short. That's it! God's love seems not to be attached to my performance. He judges me by a different standard(Clothed in Christ?). He loves me despite my performance. He sees a me that defies my standards. There is nothing that can separate me from the love of God, even if I vote Democrat! God's Grace defies logic. So next time you see some slob at church that seems to be living a life that still involves living in the world, long after you feel that they should have changed their ways, remember the example of Christ, who chose rather to eat with sinners than hang out with Pharisee's. Someone needed to show them the love of God, and they really weren't likely to show up at the Wednesday night Bible Study. Some of us meet them right were they are, poor examples or not. This is why I remain a Grace Addict.

"Homophobia", or "My fear of living in glass houses"

I've always been an odd duck. As a child I was sickly with asthma, I was frail of build, and because of my lack of stamina I was usually last picked to play any sports activity. My father was often gone to work early in the morning and not home until late at night. As such, I was raised primarily by my mother who encouraged my love of old movies particularly musicals with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. As I grew and developed in school. I found I really didn't have an affinity for competition. I never got the whole macho male thing. In fact, as I started to experiment with my human sexuality at a young age. I was more comfortable with fellow male playmates than with girls, because girls of course had cooties. I grew to have a love of theater, even going so far as to gain a theater degree in college. All of this to me sounds like a recipe for becoming gay. And yet I am not, unless you take me at my word that I truly have developed lesbian tendencies. So why all of this later day exposure of my early development? It is only to state that I have been in my life extremely homophobic. I feared the label. I feared that lifestyle. I feared the people involved. Perhaps this is because at an early age, I became aware of the fact that God hated fags. In no way did I want God to hate me, so I joined his team and started hating them as well. Not an active "go beat them up" hate, but simply the treatment of people of same-sex orientation as being somehow less than human. I refuse to get know them. I mean, I interacted with them, after all, I was a theater major, but I wouldn't get to know them for fear that I might become contaminated by their gayness. I have to wonder how many wonderful people in my life I let slip by from close friendship by keeping them at arms length. About three years ago, I reached the pinnacle of my meteoric climb in righteousness. I found myself once again dispensing judgment upon my fellow human beings, because I had become so much more close to God. And yet once again, I started feeling dissatisfied in my own skin, as if perhaps what I consider to be success in my spiritual walk was somehow flawed by my basic beliefs. It was at this point that my church taught a short series called "Please Forgive James", with J.a.m.e.s. being an acronym for how the world perceives Christians as being Judgmental, Arrogant, Mean-spirited, Egotistical,and Self-righteous. something in my heart stirred mightily. You see, I work with someone who's gay, and once again, as I have done so many times in my life, I interacted with this individual, but inside I really wouldn't give them the time of day. After all, he was gay, and God just doesn't approve. Someone doing a crossword puzzle asked for the name of a particular book in the Bible, to fill in the blanks. I, being the Christian, quickly went and pulled up my Bible application on my smart phone and gave him the correct answer. My gay coworker told me that no such book in the Bible existed. I bet him $100 it did, as I was looking at the list of Bible books on my app. He took the bet. Five minutes later, he told me I was right and that he would honor the bet, as he showed me a napkin where he had written out all 66 books of the Bible. I was shocked! How could this "chief of sinners" homosexual man know every book of the Bible from memory? Turns out that he was the son of a pastor who launched churches in his younger days. It also turns out that the church had been a source of pain and rejection to this man for most of his life. It was that day that God told me to lay down my judgments and simply accept the friendship that was offered before me. It has been an enormous blessing. The more I became aware of this man's character, the more I realized how poor of spirit I must be to stand in judgment of him. He is both kinder and more generous than I. In laying down my judgment of others because of their lack of being as Christian as I am, I have been exposed to the wonder of humanity. The same humanity that Christ has told me to love and embrace. I don't pretend to have all the answers. In fact, my pendulum swings so wide. I'm wary of discussing my current beliefs with anyone for fear of the argument that will ensue. I believe Jesus Christ came to earth and died for my sins, and the sins of all of his creation. I believe he loves the believer no more or less than he loves the atheist who still struggles. I believe the working out of the wonder of creation and salvation is a long road that continues until our earthly demise. I also struggle with the veracity of the Bible, as men have monkeyed with it so many times, it's hard to believe that their pettiness, their power struggles, and their desire to manipulate and control for the good of others has not contaminated the purity of the message of God's love. I struggle with some of the messages in the New Testament that Paul has penned that in one hand say God's love is infinite and that salvation is assured for all who believe, but then turns to say that salvation is not assured if you miss some key point or fail in some human failing. I don't wish to debate this with anyone at this point. God is still working on me and our discussions are going well. I will say that currently I don't care who you choose to spend your life (or love)with. I'm more curious about if you treat them with love and respect. Too many of us throw stones at other's lifestyles while completely treating those in our "approved" lifestyles with disrespect and abuse. I will say that I am more of an Inclusivist than an Exclusivist. I am more akin to the Christian Left than the Christian Right. I am more likely to question everything than to "Just Drink the Kool-Aid". I do love Jesus Christ, and I rely on his grace for my salvation, and yet I know my beliefs and actions fall far short of what a true disciple is capable of. God's answer to me continues to be, "It's okay, I love you, it will be all right". Which is pretty amazing considering the drug-addled, hypersexual, judgemental, self-righteous, homophobic jerk I've been for a good part of my life. And to some degree struggle with to this day. You see my latest fear has been that because of my speaking out on behalf of gay marriage and gay equality. That once again, people will take it as de facto that I must just be gay.I guess it's time to quit living the lie and just come to terms with the fact that I'm a lesbian born in a male's body. And God loves me anyway! Peace