Friends
"Those People"
This phrase echos in my mind and soul. I most often heard it during my misspent youth coming from my mom whenever i got into trouble. It was always, "If you didn't hang around those people you wouldn't get in trouble". I always wanted to explain that it was more often me leading them astry than the other way around. Maybe that's simplistic. They were certainly involved in the same life choices I was, but I always bristled at the notion that it was their fault that I was doing what I chose to do.
I remember how I came to know "those people" in the first place. I was an outsider in school. The Jocks didn't accept me. The Preps didn't accept me. The Popular People said I didn't fit in. I ran to those who accepted anyone, the Stoners. They said they had room for anyone, especially anyone who was an outcast. Funny, but that's what Jesus says too.
The next time I really remember the phrase being implied was as I entered into recovery. It was that I needed to stay away from "those people" if I was to have any chance at changing my patterns and behaviors. I have to say that this remains good advice for those entering recovery. I think that it is neccessary to have a clean slate to work with when you are changing things about yourself in major ways. My major concern comes from the concept that, again it is somehow "those people" who are to blame. The choices were mine.
Now comes my beef:
Upon entering into these new fellowships I was assured that they would replace "those people" with a "new, improved, better class of people". Five years into my new life, I'm not so sure.
I currently find myself lonely, isolated and, disillusioned. Sure I've had some close interactions. I attended some events, belonged to some study groups, even hosted weekly gatherings in my home, but I have come to find that these interactions have been fleeting. They pass and leave me feeling as if I have not truly developed the kind of relationships that have depth, beyond the time that they occured. And this makes me feel like they are more akin to the interactions I had with "those people"; there for a time, then gone.
I just wish I felt the more warmth from His people. I mean sometime I do, but lately I feel like an outsider again.
I have since returned to interacting with some of "those people"(friends from my hometown, friends in Sandpoint, etc), and I have found that, (unlike what I was assured) they remember me, like me, enjoy me, yes, even love me, despite(or because of) my changes and my dedication to Christ. They weren't just my friends because we were mutually messed up. They actually love me for me (just as Christ does). I do wonder often about my "new" friends though. Lately it seems as if those who most loudly professed that they were truly my friends, don't even seem to know me. It's as if they have discovered that because I am willing to look outside the carefully constructed clubhouse and I am no longer worthy. I miss those close times, but my trust in their assurances of "true" friendship is shaken.
At the end of the day, you only deal with the moment right in front of you. You fill it, alone or with friends, being "those people" or "these people". It may not depend so much on how they behave than how "I" behave. Am I being kind, loving, supportive, and genuine. Or am I being self-focused, shallow, and absorbed in what I want. Whether the friendships last beyond today or not seems to be beyond my control.
Jesus is always right here, but he assures me that he was often lonely in the crowd. Still, it's nice to have friends that last beyond the moment. I have some. Hopefully you do too. Maybe I can be one. As they say, "It takes being a friend, to have a friend", no matter which type of "people" you may be considered to be.
Bright light almost blinding,
Black night still there shining.
I can't stop keep on climbing,
Looking for what I knew.
Had a friend she once told me,
"You got a love, you ain't lonely."
Now she's gone and left me only,
Looking for what I knew.
I'm telling you now,
The greatest thing you ever can do now,
Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now,
It's very easy just.
Met a man on the roadside crying,
Without a friend there's no denying.
You're incomplete there'll be no finding,
Looking for what you knew.
So anytime somebody needs you,
Don't let them down although it grieves you,
Someday you'll need someone like they do,
Looking for what you knew.
I'm telling you now,
The greatest thing you ever can do now,
Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now,
It's very easy.
It's very easy.
It's very easy.
(Friends-Led Zeppelin)
Peace & Love,
Jon
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